While eyewitnesses from the attack combined with missing the first day of class afterwards engendered rumors that Koshi Tanaka, captain of the baseball team, might not have made it, he appears to be alive and well. He says everyone's exaggerating about what happened.

In unrelated news, at least one student has claimed sightings of a pink gremlin scampering about the halls at night. Theories range from lingering U-men to aliens to devil lizard invasion.